i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
