Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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