Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
