I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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