I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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