I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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