White coat. Heels.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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