I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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