is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My penis needs a shock collar
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
