I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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