hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
