Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
