Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
