I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
