Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
