I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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