i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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