If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
