: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize