I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
