Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
