a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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