Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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