I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is the high leading the old right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
