So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
