can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
