You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
