We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He has the fingertips of a God
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