It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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