phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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