Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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