1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
