you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
