Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
