i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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