I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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