I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
