i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
