Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
