the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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