drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
