the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
