check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
