I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
