It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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