her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
