There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
