at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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