This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
