So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
