I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
