if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
