i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
