Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
