Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
