I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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