Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
