is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize