Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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