im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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