So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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