I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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