we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
