would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i believe in u and ur pee
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
