I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just pee around me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
