forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
