Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
