I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize