We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
