Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
