It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
