Nicole vs. Life
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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