high people should be assigned attendants
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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