I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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