I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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