You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
