"it" just moved
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
