i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My vagina is officially offended.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize