I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
