ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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