it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
