Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
