Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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