worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
