So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
