Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
