So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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