Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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