I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
