sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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