Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
