How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize