they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
