What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
