hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
