More tranny stories later!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
