I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
