Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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