Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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