also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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