careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
