I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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