if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
