remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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