Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize