She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
