Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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