If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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