So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
