Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
