there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
